Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My Hiatus

It has been a long time since I have blogged. Even though I had plenty to blog about but for some reason I never did. I guess the main reasons that I was lazy or I didn’t have time are just excuses. Over the past few months I have experienced a lot, probably not as much as many others, but on my account I have crossed my boundaries. Settling down in college was my time to begin a new. This sort of independence which I had never experienced before got to me and I succumbed easily to it. I had made friends quickly who took me places I probably wouldn’t have gone before simply for the fact that I used to hate dancing. I got to see things which people get easily influenced to do. Basically my music tastes started changing from soft Rock to R n B and Hip Hop. I started enjoying my new lifestyle which is very different from the one I had in Dubai. And along with that my marks were good enough for my standards, thus I had nothing pulling me back. This continued for most of my first semester and it was awesome. I loved it because it was fun and nothing else. College became ‘fun’.
This winter when I went back home I realized I had changed a lot. My ‘friends’ had not changed as much as I had. Talking about the same old stories of school started to annoy me. I didn’t even want to meet most of my class mates. I actually thought twice before going back to school. Small things started to get on my nerves. New years and holidays came and went by basically.
But on the journey back to Toronto from Dubai is when something suddenly hit me. I realized how far away from home I really am. When I first came here, my parents were with me. But this time I was alone. Being this far away from home filled me with all sorts of insecurities. I know everybody lives here alone and are independent. But it is also true that they also have some sort of family here. Some distant aunt or Uncle to whose house you can go away for the weekend or even to have a nice ghar ka khana, If anything happens to you, you know that they are there to help you in anyway they can. They will be over as soon as possible if something goes wrong. I know its crazy to worry about things like this. But Toronto, unlike Dubai, is a big city and anything is possible. It got me thinking even more after what happened in Judy’s car, the day I got back. Sometimes I do feel alone in a big city. I know I have friends here, no matter 4 months old or 4 years old, who can give you some sense of security which can be comforting. But there is only a point till where your friends can do something for you. After that you are on your own. That’s where your parent’s security comes in. Dubai never made me feel insecure and I thought I was courageous enough to take on the world. But it’s when you start living on your own fourteen hours away from home, outside the comfort zone, you realise how difficult it is to keep up a balanced and secure lifestyle especially in college. I try to do my best to stay grounded, but the thought of having ‘fun’ always manages to overrule everything else.